Mother-Related Poems in Honor of Their Big Day Coming Up

Here is an irreverent poem, inspired by an old Friends episode about an ugly baby.  Here’s mine.  

 

The Ugly Baby

 The ugly baby has a face

Frankenstein might like,

certainly not a mother,

unless it’s a mother mole with

dim eyes loving mewing things

that suckle by touch only

or feed in complete darkness.

Only a blind mother could

stomach an ugly baby.

 

The stork refuses to haul such an ugly baby.

It comes in an ugly brown truck instead,

swaddled in a dirty rag and sleeping on

nickle circulars almost soft and

conveniently absorbent.

 

When an ugly baby is delivered,

a cry goes up in the neighborhood

and everyone looks away.

 

When an ugly baby comes, everyone

says it has your best features

and makes comments about

pretty clown feet and bulbous nose,

did you see the eye-poppers on that mug?

Secretly, admirers murmur together about

drinking while pregnant and smoking weed

and watching too many Ugly Baby episodes.

 

It’s easy to ignore an ugly baby,

everyone has at least just one–

or maybe two–

somewhere around the house,

crying for attention or some

kind of bottle and a clean one.

Mother instincts are in short supply

and this one wails awful loud.

 

Tonight when it’s asleep,

wrap this one up in a fresh rag

and sneak it over to the neighbor’s

front door, for a sweet surprise

in the morning when the ugly baby

wakes up hungry and needing a change.


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About maryjocee

Mary Jo Caffrey retired from the Air Force and lives in Gretna with her husband Larry, also a retired “lifer.” They live with a two little dogs and four parrots. Mary Jo is a native Nebraskan with a degree from Kearney State College and has experience teaching combat crew procedures to STRATCOM aircrews and English to middle school students. Guess which was the easier job. Mary has been writing forever, but got serious about it after editing a family memoirs book a couple years ago. Her specialties are poems, short stories, and a quirky novel under umpteenth revision . Mary Jo is a member of the Nebraska Writer’s Workshop and the Nebraska Writers’ Guild.
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